The ocean was like glass, so very calm, as I headed out into Clayoquot Sound alone in my canoe. The life force energy that runs in the area is incredible, and I had a great desire to go out there, to touch in with it. I had many times before entered natural, sacred places to recharge, but this one was a little bit different. I was wounded. I was wounded and bleeding on an energy level, and I had no idea to what degree until this trip revealed what was truly going on for me as Spirit in-body.
I paddled out into the Sound, first across the riptide between Tofino and Vargas Island, down the channel and out into the exposed water. My heart was pounding as I left the protection of the inside of Vargas. I knew that in a moment I would be in the open ocean swells. It was a calm day, but the swells of the ocean are always there, and they were about 15 feet across and an easy two or three feet deep, just rolling in.
I floated over them easily as I paddled out, knowing that in an instant, if the ocean had wanted to change its mind, the swells could be unmanageable in an open boat, especially single-handed. But I was in communication with the ocean, and it felt safe to make this crossing at this time.
Before I canoe in open waters, I make sure I touch in with a spiritual guide. It is a being that goes canoeing with me. It floats just off the bow of the boat, and offers protection. It is there to communicate with me or to warn me of about what is happening on an energy level.
I glanced at the calm ocean swells flowing in. I noticed the shoreline and the huge kelp bed flowing easily, up and down and back and forth with the ocean swells. I looked at the sky. It was cloudy and constantly moving. The weather is constantly changing out there. It was truly awesome.
I paddled for hours that morning, getting deeper and deeper into the Sound, farther and farther away from any of the modern developments. I came across a kelp bed that was so huge and healthy. Kelp beds are the rainforests of the ocean in the Pacific Northwest. I was so happy to see one in such good condition because so much of the water around British Columbia is becoming polluted. But here, the kelp was thick. It was so thick that when I tried to paddle my canoe through it, I would get stuck occasionally on top of the kelp. I paddled through the big bull kelp, as it sat on the surface, and reveled in the amount of life that lived on and around it.
I had enough food and gear to be out there for a couple of weeks if I needed to. I had no idea how long I would be. I was wounded. I had been in a relationship for six years, with a child, which ended with my wife getting involved with another man and getting into a family-type relationship. This was incredibly painful for me because I loved her so deeply. I knew that my time in Clayoquot Sound was not going to be a holiday. This was time to do some work spiritually, because I could not continue to live with the way my energy was running.
I paddled for hours that morning. I lost track of how many hours, but I had put my boat in the ocean before daybreak, and the sun was getting high in the sky. I didn't actually know where I was going to stop, but when I saw a beach ahead, it looked like this was where I was meant to be for that evening. It was totally isolated. There was no one around. There were no boats nearby. Not a soul to be seen, and this looked like the place where I needed to get my message.
The energy in the Sound was a little different these days. There had been wolves on Vargas Island that had attacked a person, which had never happened before. He was sent to the hospital and had many stitches. He was in his sleeping bag when the wolf attacked him and mauled his head. This was going through my mind as I approached the beach. I was going to camp by myself. My body had a relative amount of fear, but as Spirit, I knew I was exactly where I needed to be.
There was a little bit of surf coming onto the beach, not much at all, and I easily controlled the canoe through the water and heard the sound of the bow of the boat coming up onto the sand. I hopped out and pulled the boat up. It was a beautiful beach with light grey sand and a rock outcropping halfway down. Past the sand lay a thick mass of first growth trees as far as I could see.
I turned and looked out. There were the few other islands I had passed on the way out, and also the open Pacific Ocean. That life force energy was extremely strong. I felt the energy on the beach and realized that this was a powerful place, a power spot with lots of beings around. I felt I was being watched, and as I walked around the beach, I noticed the beach was covered in wolf tracks. They had been here, and they had been here very recently.
I was aware they were still around. I could feel them watching me. There was an aspect of fear, but also an aspect of being taken care of, an understanding that there was something more here that I needed to get.
After setting up camp, the sun broke through the clouds for the first time that day, and it got hot. It got very hot very quickly. I peeled off all of my clothes and did a run around the beach, touching into the wildness inside. It was wonderful. I climbed on top of the rock outcrop, the sand on either side, and felt the power of the place once again. It was incredible.
It had been a very emotional last year, changing from a family of four, as my wife had a child from a previous marriage, to being single half the time, and a single father to my child the other half of the time. It was wonderful to be raising her, but I was still going through the grief of the loss of the family.
I turned deeply inward, stabilized my energy system, touched into the energy of the place, and the wolf spirits were right there. They had a message that was clear to me. That was an ancient, wild message: "Protect yourself, or die."
For the past few months, I had felt my life force being drained away. I was getting weaker. I realized that I could get sick and die if I allowed it to continue. I was losing my power. I was giving my energy away to a relationship that no longer existed. The grief and the loss were draining my life force, and at that moment I realized that if it continued like that, my body could die. It was a very real possibility.
The wolf spirits were making this blatantly clear to me. They were showing it to me, and I heard it loud and clear. I thought about all the people who go through the end of a relationships like this. I thought of how many get so weak, and die. The Western medical profession always has a rational medical explanation, but on an energy level it was simply that their life force was bled away. They were too wounded to continue.
I searched my energy system to find the wound, to find where the bleeding was. To my amazement, I found two things. In my second chakra, there was an open energy wound that I was not owning. It was foreign energy creating a breach and I was bleeding my own personal energy from the wound. I also found an energy cord plugged into my third chakra that was still attached to the old relationship and I was losing energy fast, here, as well. I was giving it away. It was being drawn out of my space. This was serious and was the main source of the depletion. There was no doubt in my mind that if I let it continue like this, I did not really have a hope. The wolf spirits whispered again, "Protect yourself, or die."
It was entirely clear what needed to happen. I realized the cord had been there for a few years now, and it needed to go. I needed to sever the cord and get my power back. With the support of the beings on that beach that afternoon, I pulled the cord, I unplugged it, pulled it right out of my third chakra, and destroyed it.
I had been trained for years how to do this, how to heal myself on this level, but as I did that, a phenomenal energy shift happened. I ran some gold energy through my third chakra to heal the rawness, and some healing gold energy through the second chakra to heal and to stop the bleeding of the energy and own the places that were un-owned. My body collapsed. I stopped the bleeding, but now my body needed to recharge with energy. I used the healing force of the beach to help and support me as I turned up my energy and recharged.
I thanked the wolf spirits for being so supportive and triggering the fear, which in turn helped me to see what was happening on a deeper, more truthful level. This allowed me to make the energy shift in order to heal myself. I so respected their fierceness.
I left the beach at daybreak. The sun had not come up yet, and it was foggy. I paddled out into the fog and into the Pacific swells, which were so calm I could hardly believe it. They were like glass. There was no sound.
At one point after a couple of hours of paddling, the fog came in all around me. I couldn't see anything except the huge, glasslike ocean swells. It was so calm, they just rolled in, and I just floated over them with such ease. There was no sky. There was no land. It was an incredibly powerful moment for me. It was a communication with Source. I felt that I was fully in Source's hands at that moment. I felt that loving presence in every
molecule of my being.
This continued for hours, the only sound being my paddle as it gently created little whirlpools behind the boat. I floated along with that loving presence. The awesome power of it was just incredible. I felt that I could be squashed by Source and nature in a heartbeat if so desired, but at the same time and in that moment, feeling completely safe, completely loved, completely at one. It was my gift after doing the healing, and a chance to remember the message that I am always supported, that Source is always there. This was my graphic, physical and beautiful experience of that loving presence.
After that day, I got more and more powerful. My strength returned, and I had truly shifted my energy and was healing the wounds. Things would be much, much brighter from then on.
